We all have at least one of them in our family. Maybe it’s your Uncle Louie, who likes to down a fifth of whiskey before jumping on his riding lawnmower and heading into town, or perhaps it’s your “sweet” little cousin, Betty Sue, who decided to get even with her cheating boyfriend by taking a knife and baseball bat to his brand new cherry-red Ford Mustang. You know what I’m talking about. It’s that crazy relative or friend who leaves you shaking your head in amazement when they do something that brings stupidity to a whole new level.
Well, fear not, because I’m here to tell you that there are people in this world who have actually done a whole lot worse—especially in places like Florida. Believe it or not, the Sunshine State isn’t all bubble gum and innocence. No, it’s not all about the House of Mouse. So, just sit back and relax with these true stories of balloon wielding, sausage stealing, and Taco Bell loving morons from the Florida panhandle to the Keys. If nothing else, perhaps reading this will help you feel better about your loony family and friends for a little while—or at least until your drunk Uncle Louie jumps on his lawnmower again.
A Florida resident apparently attacked his wife during a discussion about anger management classes. Hmmm. I don’t think those classes taught him a thing. Do you?
It’s one thing to be ticked off, but this man decided to urinate on his girlfriend’s parent’s floor during Thanksgiving dinner and that’s just wrong.
Why in the world would anyone purposefully steal almost seven pounds of cow tongue? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
Starting a meth lab in a public restroom. Somehow “ignorance” just doesn’t seem like a strong enough word. My question is – why didn’t anyone notice this sooner?
This news title could lead to the question – was the man drunk or was the horse drunk? Either way, the lesson here is drinking and horse riding does not mix. Just say no!
Seriously, folks, if you don’t know how to handle a gun, then just leave them alone. This Florida native learned the hard way when he shot himself accidentally.
I don’t know what’s funnier, the fact that he rode through the Taco Bell drive-thru on a bicycle or his pouting mug shot.
Dude! If you don’t want waffles for your birthday, then just say so. There’s no need to start wielding dangerous objects like a…banana? Really?
A little word of advice for all you NFL athletes out there – just because you’re low on cash doesn’t mean the store clerk is going to let you buy something with a piece of bubble gum. Act like a professional – not a moron.
And now a little world of advice for all you Florida hippies out there – hugging a palm tree will not guarantee you won’t go to jail. Got it?
These two men were arrested when they started fighting over whether or not their friend was dead. In this case, I believe the deceased probably had more sense than his buddies.
If the chainsaw had been battery-operated and ready to go, this story could have turned out a whole lot differently.
For what it’s worth – Paramilitary drills within spitting distance of Walt Disney World is a huge no-no. Do not do it.
Wait, people actually give away thousands of dollars on research like hunting Bigfoot? Maybe I should take up finding the Loch Ness monster.
If you’re going to do something dumb, like set off firecrackers in the middle of Walmart, at least bring hamburgers and hot dogs so we can all sit back and enjoy the fireworks…and watch you get hauled off to jail.
All I can say is that prostitute must have thought very highly of his fried chicken. And that’s all I have to say about that.
The moral of this story is, do not let anyone go for a test drive without making sure an employee with the car dealership is in the car too. How hard can that be?
“Oh, honey, I’m loving our new home so much!” said the bubbly wife. “Wait…what is that awful smell?” There’s just no way to fix this. Move.
“This is 911, what is your emergency?” asked the dispatcher.
“Hey, baby. What are you wearing?” said the caller.
CLICK.
Yes, he was a serious threat to himself, the policemen, and the dealership employees, because he was running with…balloons? Explain that one to me.
I can’t think of anything to say about this other than karma is a beautiful thing. Do the drugs and suffer the consequences…in more ways than one. Ironic.
Not only should they have arrested him for giving away cocaine at a concert, but also someone should have fined him for that ridiculous tattoo on his face. Sure, it looks cute now, dude, but wait until you’re eighty.
“Is that a sausage in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?” Seriously, did he want to eat the sausage or just impress the ladies?
And you thought your Uncle Billy Bob was crazy. At least he doesn’t dance naked beside the freeway. Or does he?
If you’re going to steal something, at least make sure there isn’t any tar on your baldhead. The police might call that suspicious.
